Everything about this has been a request for me to stretch.

When one of my clients asked me a few weeks ago if I would consider traveling with her [I am her client concierge], looking back now, I realize that everything about this process was new to me.  Normally, I would have immediately agreed and then regretted my split-second decision.  I would have been miserable leading up to the event, and then I would have sabotaged my responsibility in one way or another.  Then, I would have felt guilty.  And probably never talked to Stella again–ashamed.

This time, she asked, I asked her for time to consider, she agreed, I considered, and I agreed.

Despite feeling some success in allowing myself some space to consider, I was anticipating a lot of anxiety about the days leading up to my departure.  I thought for sure I would end up in the fetal position midway through packing.  Or saying goodbye to my children.  Or in the car ride to the airport.  Or at the airport.  Or on the plane–definitely, on the place.

Instead, I set my intention on peace, joy, and confidence.

And before my plane left Newark, my partner called me and said, “You seem so positive about this.  I’m excited for you.”  Ah ha.

So, here I am in Atlanta with my brilliant copywriter client extraordinaire.  But otherwise, I don’t know anyone.  I’ve never even heard of half of these livelihoods.  And who shouts “Money!” at the top of their lungs at the W – Midtown?!  These women.

And they are bold and amazing.

And it hit me that this was exactly where I was supposed to be.  That was why I had not felt trepidation or regret around my decision to come here.  That was why I was stepping outside of my comfort zone and chatting and sharing with people I did not know.   Because I was a business owner–specifically, a female business owner.  But for years, I have hidden behind that fact because the truth is that that chapter closed for me several years ago.

I didn’t want it to be so, but I was too scared and uncommitted to put myself out there again.  Safety is behind my computer screen, in my home, with my dog.

So, it struck a cord when Monica said that indecision is a form of self-abuse.  Um, yeah!  I called it easy-going, but that’s not honest.  I’m indecisive.  I only want to make decisions that I am confident will please other people, and are done-deals.

I took her advice and started practice.  Baby steps.  Will I eat here or there?  Do I want to sit in this chair or that chair?  And that felt A-MAZING!

Hey…I got this…but alas, I was quickly tested.  Presented with an opportunity to take part in Monica’s Money Club, I was paralyzed.  She gave us two stickers–in or out?  Pretty simple, right?  Frozen.

I know in my gut that this is what I need to commit to right now.  I want to take the summers off to spend with my family.  I want my partner to feel in choice about whether he continues to work the job he has right now.  I want a grotto in my backyard, darn it!

So I stretched.  I verbalized my fear to someone I respect.  [I doubt that I was fooling anyone that I had it all together anyway.]  And guess what, she did not give me the answer.  I just stood there looking at her searching for the right decision.  And she just stood staring back at me.  So I [figuratively] ran away from the conversation.

I had a delicious dinner.  And I texted my partner.  This is how our exchange went:

N:  I’m thinking on a leap of faith.  Need your good vibes coming my way:

D:  Jump baby!!!  You jump I jump 🙂

N:  If I really have your support, that would mean a lot.  I have a big vision.  What I want to stretch toward would be so much better with a partner to share it with.

D:  Count me in on all levels:)  Can’t wait to hear your idea!!!!!!!!!!!

N:  Thank you, D.

I walked my ass back into that room, and slapped that sticky circular answer on my response sheet and handed marched it over to the desk.

So tonight, I am not in isolation.

I gave myself permission to get the support that I need to build and grow this next business venture in my life.  I also feel very lucky to have people in my life who won’t make the decisions for me, and people who stand in support of me no matter what.

I am going to sleep knowing that I came from a place of action.  I think it’s going to be a sound one.