Happy Wednesday, folks.
People ask me three questions a lot:
1) Do you think you’ll get married?
2) Was it hard having twins?
3) Are you going to try for a girl?
Without fail, I get at least one of these questions once a week.
The long and short of it is this:
1) I hope so.
2) Not especially – but only because I didn’t know any better.
3) No.
Some time, I am sure I will write about 1 + 2, but today, I’m sharing my why for top question 3.
It’s important to clarify that my hard no isn’t exactly that.
If God blessed me with a daughter one day, I’d be over-the-moon.
I’m crystal clear that there would be many lessons for me in having a daughter. But, as of this morning, those lessons weren’t mine to learn through the birth of a little girl. And so I look to our nieces and Goddaughters for some of those gifts. And one day, I’ll look toward my daughter-in-laws – and who knows – maybe my own granddaughters.
{Excuse me for a moment while I say a little prayer for the sweetest, kindest, and smartest daughter-in-laws under the sun!}
Amen.
In the meantime, what I have been given is the gift of sons. Although this list isn’t exclusive to boys, they are things that my sons have personally taught me. So this morning, I’ll share seven things that come to my mind as I ride the train from MetroPark to Boston.
1) I’m not half-bad at throwing a football. I am not a natural athlete. I won the Spirit – hey kiddo, thanks for trying with smile – Award the one summer I played softball. But the boys don’t care about that. When they want to practice throwing the football or taking swings with the bat, I am their quarterback and their pitcher. And I’m not that bad. Learning to keep my eyes open has helped tremendously. They don’t care that they occasionally have to jump out of the way if something shiny catches my eye as I release the ball toward them. They just want me to be there. And I am awesome at that.
2) But there’s more to life than sports. My kids haven’t caught the competitive bug that some kids have. They play, and they’re getting pretty good. But they would just as soon sketch a new character for the comic book they are creating or bang on the drums in our living room. This week, we were invited to a community reception where Colin received an award for a clay seahorse that he made in art class. It’s on display in the county library. What I loved about the evening wasn’t his certificate or him posing sweetly with his art teacher. It was when he realized that the second level of the library was filled with the high school award-winners. It was at that moment that his little wheels started spinning because he knew he could try to earn a spot next year, and the year after, and even when he’s Alex’s age. I learned to never underestimate the sense of purpose a clay seahorse can give a child.
3) Sometimes they are strong and resilient. And sometimes, more often than not, they need a really soft place to land. Sam is the essence of calm, cool, and collected. When I am sad, he reverently closes his eyes and holds my hands – as if in a prayer to take my sorrow away. He rubs my back when I am sick and strokes my hair when I am tired. He is a rock. And when he’s sad, he doesn’t lose his cool. He simply puts his head in my lap, wraps himself up in a blanket, and settles into how he feels until it’s better. It’s in those moments most that he embodies his name – Sam – God hears. It is through him that I feel my most intimate connection to God. He’s in his breath and his laughter.
4) Socks don’t always have to match. I learned this early-on with Alex. It use to drive me crazy that doing laundry turned into a scavenger hunt for matching pairs. Until I realized that the match may not have been worn that week – or it may have been lost long ago in the lint trap. The twins quickly picked up on their big brother’s sock style – so now, sock sorting is their job!
5) They like to contribute in the laundry room and the kitchen. With the exception of Domenick, folding isn’t a forte of anyone in our house. Nevertheless, the boys enjoy loading the washer and dryer, filling it with detergent, and putting their clean clothes away. They help with the grocery shopping. They set and clear the dinner table – and of course their own breakfast bowls every day. We even go through stints of them cooking beside me, which I really love. We put on music, and light candles. A teaspoon of this or a cup of that – they are on-hand to help me make dinner. They know how to pre-heat the oven, set the timer on the microwave, and safely chops vegetables. I’m proud to confirm that all fingers remain in tact!
6) Being a gentleman isn’t an accident. All of the boys are growing into gentlemen, and it’s one of the things I am most proud of. They hold doors for me and allow me to step into the elevator first as they hold the doors open. They tell me I look pretty when they know I took the time to appear so. They compliment my cooking and pick me flowers. Colin always checks to make sure I am buckled in before we pull out of the garage. Sam carries the groceries in from the car. They learn by example, and with positive reinforcement. It starts when they are small. And it isn’t just a Southern thing.
7) I cannot be all things to them all the time. This is one that I almost had really, really wrong. From the moment they were born, I wanted them all to myself. I wanted to be the last one to kiss them goodnight and the one who took them to school every morning. But the truth is that sometimes, they’d not only prefer not to do something with me, but they’d rather do it with someone else. They love to work in the yard with my dad and CrossFit with Domenick. They love boys’ nights with Alex and hibachi with Elle. As they get older, they are getting good at asking for who they need in a particular moment. They are my sons, yes, but they were entrusted to me – to share with the world. They deserve to enjoy the people around them – and the people around us deserve to enjoy them.
Whether you have boys, girls, or a blend of both – pay special attention to the lessons they teach you. Be thankful to them every single day.
See you on the flip-side.
In love,
Noelle
xoxox