Happy Wednesday, folks.
Fridays in our home is Boy Scout Pack Meeting night at our local Elk’s Club. A dozen
boys fill the meeting room to learn about conservation, culture, community, nature, +
responsibility.
Just to name a few things.
And the boys in our pack capital-L love it.
What I capital-L love is the positivity + accountability that flows into the boys’ lives by
being a part of this special group.
Please let me step away from my glowing recommendation of scouting for a moment to
relay a story that I told to our little parental peanut gallery this past Friday.
When I shared this story, my mom friends gasped, so I thought I’d send it your way, as
well – just for kicks!
Here goes.
We took the kids out to dinner two weeks ago.
While we were waiting for our table, my older twin son said, “Mom, at the lunch table
today, child-who-shall-remain-nameless said that he has a gay dinosaur in his pants +
he makes out with his penis at night.”
Excuse me?
I have to be honest that I don’t even know what that means, but there are a handful of
words and/or prepositional phrases in that sentence that I was not pleased were coming
out of my eight-year-old’s mouth.
And so it goes.
After the third day in a row of hearing my child’s new lunchtable vocabulary, I wrote a
note to his teacher.
In it, I explained that I realized that the she + the school were probably already aware of
the issue and that I understood these things will happen in school.
But that I was aware + concerned.
I didn’t think those words should simply be excused.
And I was right – she + the school were being proactive. The teacher did not make any
excuses for what happened. And I was thankful.
Because I’ve seen it time and time again [considering I have a house full of boys].
You know what I’m talkin’ about, parents…the excuses!
Boys: they’ll be boys.
Children: don’t worry about it – he’s just a kid.
Twins: they spend so much time together – they just can’t help but fight like that.
Children who are twin boys from a “broken” home {fyi our home is not broken, it’s just a
little different from some of yours}: batten the hatches!
I call shenanigans.
These thinly veiled excuses – who do they really serve?
Within the last two years or so, a mother told me that she didn’t let her son join Boy
Scouts because she “didn’t like what they stood for”.
Excuse me?
By definition, Boy Scouts are an organization of boys that promotes character, outdoor
activities, good citizenship, and service to others.
PS: She was referring to the rumors + stories of gay dinosaurs in their pants – she
didn’t want to put him in “harm’s way”.
Look.
There are legitimate reasons for things, right folks? I’m not referring to those things
here. And I’m certainly not making light of a child who is hurt in any way. We should
always protect our children from bad people in the world with vigilance.
But sometimes as parents, we opt-out because it feels safer.
And who does it serve?
As a mother, I want to protect my children, too.
But not at the cost of their own development.
As a mother, I believe that my children have the space in their souls to make good
decisions.
I hope that they choose to take responsibility for those choices.
As a mother, you can bet that I won’t fall for the notion that if my son isn’t strong in
Language Arts – it’s because “he’s a boy”.
I hope that they never abide by the lower standards that the world has traditionally set
for them.
While they are still young, I want to instill in them the skills they need to develop into
thriving teenagers and prepared adults.
So I show them myself.
I am not one for making excuses {if anything, I overcompensate and take responsibility
for things that aren’t really mine to own – ahhhh, I’m still a work in progress}.
In my quest for honesty naturally came personal accountability.
With that said, Sunday night, I completely forgot to attend an event at a friend’s house.
She gave me the invite. I put it in my calendar. I was set.
On Monday morning, I peeked at my calendar before starting my day and there it was.
Staring blankly at me.
The blocked out timeframe for the get-together the night before.
I had forgotten.
And the first thing I thought about was that I had not fulfilled a commitment to
someone I care about.
There’s nothing to lie about, but wouldn’t an excuse be easier than telling her I slipped
up?
Only in the short-term.
And who would it serve?
And for my development, and in order for me to walk the walk for my kiddos, I own that
I made a mistake.
I had forgotten.
In the past, I made excuses for my kids’ behavior, why my car is messy, why I wasn’t
there, and why, why, why…but not anymore, BECAUSE…
My Juicy Glad-I-Caught-That: “At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no
explanations, no regrets.” ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
And I sleep in peace with the thought that if I live my life in truth, I will be free.
See you on the flip-side.
In love,
Noelle
xoxox