Happy Wednesday, folks.

Some girls have all the luck.

They’ve had the same best friend since they were in elementary school. They were in each other’s bridal parties and were named Godmother of their firstborn. They do girls’ nights and chat on the phone over a glass of wine.

And then there’s me. And maybe you.

In high school, I had a nice group of friends, but I always felt like I was just on the outside of my own circle. Girls paired up as besties – there must’ve been an odd number of us.

Perhaps it was because I was a homebody. Or that I didn’t drink. Or had an out-of-state boyfriend. Or didn’t choose Rutgers.

But I was a lone wolf.

I loved the time that did spend with my friends, but for one reason or another, by the time I graduated from high school, those friendships had become little more than casual connections.

I had made girlfriends during summer classes, along my travels, and while on youth group retreats. And while I value each of those people deeply – attended their weddings, cherish their family Christmas card photos, follow their lives on Facebook when they pop-up on my newsfeed – our connection is distant and spans the country.

I thought I had cornered the market on girlfriends when I opted for an all-women’s college. And I did make some tremendous friends while in was in Virginia. But the fact that I was still a homebody [I drove home to New Jersey every weekend my sophomore year of college, and transferred home completely for my junior and senior years], I still didn’t drink, I was trying to mend a broken heart, and I was scared to death of a school the size of Rutgers.

So Anne went home to Texas, and Cameron to California. Alison returned to Florida. And though we all still keep in touch for those bigger moments in our lives, I have only seen Anne on three occasions since we graduated from college in 2000 – my other two beautiful friends, never again.

In the years since college, I was married and gained a bunch of lady friends by default.

They were fun, beautiful, interesting, smart, active, wonderful women. I loved those relationships and for the first time in my life, I felt like I had a group of friends that I could call when I wanted advice or had something funny to share. People who would watch my children grow. People who I buy a Pandora charm for on their birthdays.

I never saw it coming that I would lose them in my divorce.

{Blimey}

What I didn’t know was that God had been working behind the scenes in my life during that time of loss.

When Colin and Sam were infants, I joined our local Gymboree. I don’t remember what I did at a gym with two six week olds who could barely hold their heads up, but I do remember a tremendous sense of community and support from other firstime moms. We cradled our babies and sang to them. We moved their little legs and showed them love through our animated faces.

And at the end, we sat around in a circle and talked about the things that were happening in our lives when we weren’t in class. And before I knew it, I had made friends.

They still had besties of their own – and I’m still a lone wolf – but unlike when I was in high school, this time, I didn’t feel like I was on the outskirts. I felt like I was a part of something wonderful.

But it took time. And I made mistakes – I kept my distance, I didn’t share as much of myself as I should have, I wasn’t giving as much as I was taking. And when I realized the err of my ways, I made amends – I flipped the switch – I said I was sorry, and we went out for Coronaritas.

Nine years later, it feels like we have been friends forever.

This time, it’s different.

And now I know why.

For one reason or another, my earlier friendships – though with people I still admire – did not develop into deeply connected relationships. Without the depth, it’s no surprise that they didn’t sustain the test of time. I blame myself – the private homebody – but I have no regrets. Because I have since learned how to be a better friend.

My Juicy Glad-I-Caught-That: One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I am growing in the friendships that I have at this point in my life. I didn’t think it was possible for me, but I am thrilled to be wrong.

Hold tight, my dear, if it hasn’t yet happened for you – it’s closer than you know.

See you on the flip-side.

In love,

Noelle

xoxox