I’m here to tell you that:

Being a small business owner is awesome. You call the shots, choose who you work with, have the opportunity to make more money than you would otherwise, people are super interested in “how you do it”, and you don’t even have to take your jammie pants off.

And that:

Being a small business owner sucks. Employees can wreak havok, clients can make unreasonable requests, you can underestimate a project or a client and get financially beeped, and it can be very, very lonely in your jammie pants.

With my first company, I had a partner and our lives revolved around work. It was all that we talked about. And when we didn’t talk, we both understood, it was because our brains were full from the day at work. If you have been following me for the last year or so, you already know that the snafu came when my partner and I had children. And I wasn’t at work. And I had more to talk about, more on my mind, than work. And so the disconnect went.

Missed it – feel free to look back.

Fast forward.

Now, it’s just me. And outside of regular business hours, my life doesn’t revolve around work. Except when I can’t sleep at night because I had a brilliant idea, or when I have to finish up one last thing in between cooking dinner and baseball practice. Or if I have to travel for the week.

And it’s lonely.

Because –

1 – It’s hard to understand small business owners if you aren’t one.

2 – It isn’t for everybody.

I believe that’s part of what makes me so good at my client care – I genuinely get what these folks are going through. I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I’ve been up all night. I’ve fallen flat on my face. I’ve felt awesome when I’ve succeeded and I’ve wanted to go bigger and harder because of it. I’ve wanted to find a rock to take up residence under.

And now I also, have a family.

I have small children who don’t care if I signed a new client because they want to play outside in the rain and make brownies before breakfast.

I have a partner who goes to work from “9-5” and gets benefits and bonuses.

I live my life alongside most people don’t get why I can’t just flip a switch and turn it all off.

So it can feel lonely.

When it comes to my work, I am one-track-minded.

If I were a teacher or a lawyer or a police officer, it wouldn’t be any different. And that’s because I take what I do for a living – for a life – very seriously.

And again, it’s not for everyone. It’s not even for everyone’s partner, or mother, or daughter, or friend.

When my mom wants to have tea at 10am on a Tuesday and I have to pass, again, or when Domenick asks a simple question about a client that leads me down an excited rabbithole – it’s not for everyone.

Much of the time, it’s my sons who are the most understanding. Because it’s all that they know. Their parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and great-grandparents are {and were} self-employed. Self-sustaining. So I hope that when they are old enough to decide how to spend their lives, that they can with delight say:

1 – I want to be self-employed because I’ve seen the amazing blessings of being a business owner.

OR

2 – I don’t want to be self-employed because the downsides are not motivation enough for me.

It’s not for everyone.

I learned years ago that there is more to life than work. The lesson that I want to teach them will not come from them seeing me fritter my life away in front of my computer.

Looking back on my childhood, one of my most securing memories is that my family and I had dinner together every night. My dad never missed a mealtime.

I loved that we were all together and felt fortunate, even as a child, to have that experience.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that I discovered that after my brother and I went to bed, he would go back to work – invoices, proposals, bids, and other client work had waited on his desk for him while he had been outside swinging a hammer all day. It was not uncommon for him to work 100 hours a week – particularly when the market crashed in the late 80’s.

I knew he worked hard. That’s where I learned it from. But I also knew that my family was his priority.

When you are a small business owner, the hours can be long. It can keep you up at night. It can start and end every day of your week. It can take some of the fun out of a vacation or a date night.

But there is no comparison for the rewards. For the personal growth. For the opportunities and experiences.

I believe that firmly.

This weekend, my family and I are celebrating the 50^th anniversary of my grandfather’s landfill. No, it’s not very glamorous, but it is what made many of us in my family who we are today. My grandfather passed away 10 years ago now. And to this day, every single time I drive over the Driscoll Bridge and look over the iron suspensions to land that is now green as a gable [the landfill closed when I was young], I thank God for him. Because he had a vision – and he showed it to my aunt, my uncle, and my father, and they went on to show it to 9 blessed children, who are now going on to show it to children of their own.

So in my loneliest of moments in business, I can reflect on a vision that was mine long before I took the reins. I am not alone. I have Lotanos before me who cheer me on. Who know what I’m going through. Who say an extra little prayer for me before they go to bed. Who keep a special eye on my life – knowing what I am trying to accomplish…for the Lotanos I am raising…who I hope will find the same value in their lives as I have in mine.

Whether they are pilots or entrepreneurs, the path I am forging, behind the footsteps of my grandfather and father, will hopefully be made clearer for them.

Being a small business owner isn’t awesome or sucky.

If you really want to know what I think, it’s that it makes me a better person and I wouldn’t want it any other way – fifteen years into this adventure, I think that’s pretty rad.