Happy Wednesday, folks.

I heart boundaries.

But what I noticed was the more boundaries I set, the more excuses I made.  So, here’s a distinction that I try and keep in mind:  there’s a difference between setting a boundary and making an excuse and setting a boundary and displaying grace.

We have talked before about boundaries, right?  Where do you draw the line when it comes to your boss, colleagues, children, and spouse?

Setting a boundary is really easy to do:  if this – then that.  Done.  Simple.

What isn’t easy is holding fast to it.

I have worked with clients who make it abundantly clear to me that they will not do x in their business – and then I find that they’ll absolutely do x if y occurs.

I have set rules with my children – if it happens again, then I’m going to blah, blah, blah.

Maybe a business-owner set an unnecessary boundary that wasn’t beneficial to her business.  Perhaps she said that she would never accept checks.  But then, a client that she has been working with for a year emails to say that her credit card was compromised, and asks if she can make this month’s payment via check.

Show her some grace and accept the check this month, you fool.

If that client has a new excuse every month and continues to ask that you accept a payment method that you don’t take, stop making excuses for her, you have two choices as I see it:

1 – hold firm

2 – change your boundary

In my own business, I have said that I will never drop everything with my family to work on something that came across my desk after it was due.

At the beginning, I was showing grace.  Oodles and oodles of grace.

But in the end, I realized that grace had lapsed into excuse – that the client was too busy to get to it earlier and the like – and in turn enabling them to take advantage of my set boundary and get ‘er done attitude.

In those moments, am I completely forgetting what my if – then sequence was to begin with or am I pretending that I do?

Grace around boundaries is lovely.  Excuses are not.

Yet it has happened in every relationship that I have.

I set my boundaries around me, and then I quick erase them with my foot if I feel the need.

You don’t have to tell me that I’m not setting boundaries if I am unable to enforce them.  I get that.

The problem is that I tell myself that I set a healthy boundary, someone encroaches on my boundary, and I had no choice but to give in…but it’s the last time.

Feel me?

It happens in reverse, too – I’m not an angel.

I expect that my children have thought to themselves – if she raises her voice again, I’m going to run away {next door} to grandma and grandpa’s house.  But then the remember that they love me, and I’m the keeper of their favorite blankets, and they actually did punch each other in the face so maybe I had a right to be upset – so they erase their line with their toes.

Look.  Things happen.

If a client needs work rushed, I’m happy to do that – if I can and if they let me know.  But getting it done in an hour should not be considered the norm if a reasonable turn-around time is 24-48 hours.  They should appreciate, not expect, on-the-spot support.

If your husband comes home late and forgot to call to let you know, remind yourself that it happens – maybe he had a yucky day and lost himself in the Yankees game on AM radio on the way home.  Maybe he stopped for a Red Bull and some beef jerky because he met with a client in lieu of lunch that day.  If it happens once in a while [read:  not weekly] show the guy some grace.

If you don’t hear from your sister-in-law about the Thanksgiving plans at her house, maybe she thought she mentioned it, maybe she told your spouse, maybe she told her spouse to tell your spouse.  It happens, right?  Show her some grace and let it roll off of your shoulders.  If she forgets again at Easter – boundary crossed.

If your child lands in the yellow pocket for talking to the kid at the neighboring desk, remember, it happens.  If he makes it a habit, and you’re letting it slide, mom, you’re making an excuse for him.  And that won’t make him a better man.

I am a natural-born pleaser.  I want you to like me.  And my favorite thing about YOU is that you know all of these ugly little things about me, and you’re still here.  I ask myself, “What did I do to deserve such grace?”

I watch people show grace and don’t even realize that they’re doing it.

I watch people mistake grace for a place to wipe their feet.

But it is such a beautiful thing – let’s not muddy it by making excuses for it.

Love.  Gratitude.  Grace.  These are just some of the blessings that we can show to one another every day.  No matter our connection.

As Anne Lamott so wonderfully said, “I do not at all understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.”

See you on the flip-side.

In love,

Noelle
xoxox